Christmas Abundance, Hidden in the Mystery

I was hoping for something different than what I experienced this Christmas. I was hoping for an abundance of love and companionship and warm-hearted times. But the key here is that I was hoping -- not expecting or knowing.

Instead, I allowed everything to unfold organically and stuck with what felt best. And that meant spending a lot of time by myself.

At first this was a bitter-sweet pill for me to swallow. I was a bit rebellious about it, while embracing it on some level. Eventually, after I worked through the sadness or disappointment of it, I was able to relax into what was true for: I needed this time alone!

Especially because of the sudden and large influx of abundance into my life on Christmas Eve day: my new furniture arrived.

I have been living in this apartment -- without furniture, other than a bed -- for over 6 months. Well, last week I broke down and went out and bought some. Phew. It took a while to make the decisions, but I was so elated I had a good cry afterwards. I felt proud of myself.

So when it all arrived -- huge cushy sofa, large plush chair and dining room table -- I was not elated, but overwhelmed!!

Oh I was so surprised by this emotional reaction. I thought for sure I would be crying for joy or excited and eager. Instead. Shutdown. It took about 24 hours to actually integrate this sudden shift. But what's really cool about it is how much appreciation I ended up having once I integrated it all. I cannot describe the deep appreciation I have for now having furniture. But I can assure you that the groundedness, solidity and homey feeling is truly strong. And those are what I wanted anyways.

So in summary, I'll take the longer-lasting, deeper impression of the feelings I wanted from my furniture, than the sudden elation and excitement. And in a way, this has been a good, smaller-scale practice for the massive abundance that is heading my way right now.

Thank you Universe!!